Visit from America.

J got into corrospondoance with a girl from Arizona called M,.Why he chose her im not sure.She sent a picture to him early on ,it was kind of blurred and you couldent really see her face,though you could see she was fairly fat.This dident deter J,and he constantly spoke to her through a chatroom and ,before long ,over the phone.Soon they arranged to meet ,she would come over to visit him.J was confident that he was onto a good thing.,,Whatever else happens,im guaranteed a ride!,, he would declare casually.In fact when we had been out for a couple of drinks he decided to ring her one night at about 12pm.(One thing you must remember about J is he absoloutly cannot hold drink.Hes pissed after 2 drinks and if he takes any more he literaly cant stand up,but more of that another time).So he rings her up on the phone in the hall and one of the things i hearr him say as i go back to my flat his J loudly telling this girl who hes never met that he loves her. Well the big day arrives and he goes to meet her at the airport with a red rose.What happens next is courtisy of Js frankness about anything that happens to him .The first word out of her mouth when he presents her with the rose is,, Its withered!,,.Worse(or better)was to come.I called up to his flat to meet the girl of his dreams.When i entered there was a distinctly frosty atmosphere.When i saw M i understood why she sent a blurry photo.That girl wasUGLY!.She was about 18 stone,and had a really jowly face with god knows how many chins.If that wasent enough she was all spots,and had kind of mannish short cropped hair.You could get over her looks,maybe,but it was her personality that really jarred.She barely achnologed me,and she seemed to be sulking that J had no proper seats in his flat.Thankfully she went out to make a phone call.As soon as she went out J leaned over and whispered ,almost in a panic,, Shes not that nice looking ,is she?,,Im not even sure i want to ride her,,.I made my excuses and left.What follows next was told to me by a friend .He went to meet J and m in this tacky bar that J seems to think is sophisticated.Again ,he encountered the same frosty atmosphere and it was clear that the two love birds werent exactly getting on.At length they got into a bitchy argument over something and M said to J,,Well,youve got bird like legs,,. What i havent mentioned yet is that in the run up to her coming J had booked a room in the Clarion in Dublin,the most expensive in the city,and probably the country.The money for this little venture J had persuaded his mother to cough up. Well,off they went on the weekend of romance.After a couple of days my friend decided to ring J to see how he was getting on.He asked him if he was having any luck with the lovely M.J lowered his voice nervously,,Im sitting here in my pyjamas,,,shes in the shower,,,,I havent got as much as a kiss off her,, So Js anticapated dirty weekend never materialised.In spite of the fact that the two of them couldent stand each other J kept corrosponding with her.As a matter of fact after a while seemed fairly confident that theyd be married.Js ulterior motives became more apparent when he revealed that her family were loaded and owned several properties.In his own words he seemed to think that ,,He could spend the summers in Ireland and winter in Arizona,,.Well things dident quite work out that way,but thats another story.

Buisness venture.

My source tells me of a bright idea that J had .He wanted him and J to go halves on a franchise on a fast food outlet.(Of course Js mother would provide him with the money)My friend swears J was serious when he said that they,,Could get young girls working for them ,and if they refuse to have sex with him he could fire them,,. No ,im not making this up.

Wise sayings.

Js stupidity is very well demonstrated by the things that tended to come out of his mouth.He once asked me,,Are the IRA and the UVF on the same side?,,.Once we were watching who wants to be a milionare? on the telly and a question about the names of the continents came up. Genius boy was absoloutly insistint that the USA was a continent.I tried to explain that it s a country and part of North America,but he seemed to find this very funny and kept arguing it.He came out with loads of other howlers but i wouldent have room for them all.